Interpreting music… Walrus style. #2

I’m not convinced that my first adventure into the music industry was satisfying enough. I’m absolutely confident that I can find someone I’ll like at random. I’m going in with a more positive attitude today, and I will see the good in every artist. I’m determined not to give less than five out of ten fish to anyone. I’m also going to give one of the others that I harshly slated in my last post one more try, to see if I can understand this time.

JME.

Erm… Jamie? Apparently he’s another grime artist, which is fine. I mean, Lady Sovereign was, but surely she’s just a bad example of the genre? I’m sure he’s going to be a lot easier to listen to and oh shit I just saw the names of his songs and I feel that history is repeating itself. Sigh. If I must, I’ll choose ’96 F***ries’ and ‘MURKING’ as the two songs.

No. No. No. I lasted almost 15 seconds.

Selected lyric: ”Oh please, I couldn’t care about your Ts and your Cs, I’m J to the M to the E, I make G R I M to the E.”
What I think the artist is trying to convey: ”Hiya, my name’s Jamie, I make urban music.”

Nope. 17 seconds this time. I get the feeling this post is going to end up as another disaster.

Selected lyric: ”I’m MURKING, MURKING, MURKI…” (this is all I got)
What I think the artist is trying to convey: ”I am murking.”

Overall: Grime music just isn’t for me. 0/10 fish. Time for a genre switch.

I’m absolutely sure that the next artist will be a lot more enjoyable. I’ve done extensive research for about a minute and a half on wikipedia which says he won a grammy award, so it’s bound to be good this time!

Sean Paul.

Yeah this guy’s a dickhead. I’m looking forward to trying out new music, remaining positive, I honestly feel like this one is the one where I break my bad streak. I have chosen two amazingly named songs – ‘Gimme the Light’ and ‘Breathe’.

Yeah, I love this. Woo.

Selected lyric: “Watchie watchie girl bout dem, A try fi make bride of dem, Denied again some of them move like a spiderman.”
What I think the artist is trying to convey: ”This young lady is so beautiful, I would love to marry her, but I don’t think she liked me as she jumped out of the window and started swinging from building to building to make it in time for Doctor Connor’s class.”

I can’t decide who’s more irritating, the woman who can at least sing to a mediocre level or Sean Paul.

Selected lyric: ”so what’s that supposed to be about baby, ya’ll free up ya mind and stop actin crazy, reminisce about all the good times daily, why you try pull that got me actin shady.”
What I think the artist is trying to convey: Something about remembering a time when she was stupid enough to not think he’s a twat.

Overall: Not good. Not good at all. 1/10 fish. Let’s try hip hop.

Lil Jon.

How can someone with silver teeth fail to be entertaining? The two songs that God has willed me to listen to are ‘What you gon’ do’ and ‘Put yo hood up’.

Selected lyric: ”If you roll up in the club and them hoes start acting up, when you step up to them hoes what they’re gonna do shit, what they’re gonna do shit”
What I think the artist is trying to convey: I am unsure of the semantics behind the song, but I think it might be promoting violence against women.

Selected lyric: ”Well shake yo’ drink up and spray the muthafuckin’ crowd”
What I think the artist is trying to convey: “It is fun to have a water fight in the summer.”

Overall: 2/10 fish. I feel that Lil Jon and I are from the same cultural heritage and I can relate to his lyrics, but he screams “Yeah!” way too many times in every song, which is far too positive for someone who’s meant to be a badass gangster. I’m going to go as far away as physically possible from this kind of music now.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

This guy went platinum multiple times, so he’s got to be good. Although WA-Moz had a hard upbringing on the streets of Harlem, he steered clear of crime and gang warfare in favour of a musical career. Despite his fame, his mother died because of his financial insecurity and inability to pay a doctor. Mozart’s addiction to the substance Calpol was said to be the reason for this lack of funds. He died on 5th December 1791 at 35 years old. The cause of death remains suspicious. Sources close to Mozart still feel that it was the wrath of a jealous Beethoven, driven insane by his jealousy of Mozart’s ability to hear, that was felt by Mozart on his final day. Beethoven remains at large.

The two songs I have selected are ‘Piano Concerto No. 21’ and ‘Symphony No. 40 in G minor, KV 550’.

Selected lyric: ”ding, dingdingdingdingDING”
What I think the artist is trying to convey: It’s a stand against the Bolshevik revolution. Mozart was a well known anti-Lenin demonstrator, but rather than fight him with violence, he used the powerful medium of music.

Selected lyric: ”dododododo, doodoodoo, dooodoooodoooDOOOODOOODOOO”
What I think the artist is trying to convey: dododododo, doodoodoo, dooodoooodoooDOOOODOOODOOO.

Overall: 9/10 fish. Great lyrics, contemporary music, nice hair. If he had gold teeth like Lil Jon he would be on 10/10. I must admit, I’m a little disappointed that he didn’t meet that criteria and push for a #1 spot on my list.

And finally…

Lady Sovereign, again. This time I have picked a picture where she is wearing an animal on her head, as I like animal hats.

I’m going to look at two of her other songs and pray that they’re better. I’ve been told I’ll be pleasantly surprised. Let’s see. ‘So Human’ and ‘Love me or hate me’ (I don’t know if this is rhetorical or not, Ms Sovereign, but I feel you already know my view).

Selected lyric: ”Everyone we’ve had what in days miss away you cannot relate, I’m a star, I’m an individual, an educated example of intelligence, I’m considered to be cool”
What I think the artist is trying to convey: “Getting expelled from school and leaving with no qualifications ACCORDING TO WIKIPEDIA BEFORE I GET SUED makes me an educated example of intelligence.”

Selected lyric: ”Yeah! It’s officially the biggest midget in the game. I dunno. Make way for the S.O.V.”
What I think the artist is trying to convey: I think officially that she is officially trying to say that she doesn’t officially understand the official meaning of officially.

Overall: While these two songs are a lot better, they’re still less enjoyable than being dragged through a meat grinder. I’ll give her an improved 2/10 rating for this, as one of the songs I recognised from an advert that I hate, and I found a picture of her with an animal hat. Did I mention I like animal hats?

Today’s fun fact of the day: Dwarfism, the source of the term ‘midget’, is for anyone said to be less than 147 centimetres tall. Lady Sovereign is 156 centimetres tall.

Today’s AAOTD: None, as I’ve had no submissions. I warned you, small fanbase!

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